Leaving That Shitty Relationship
When it's time to let go.
I've had my share of unhealthy relationships and reflecting back on my past relationship failures, I can acknowledge several things that took me years to understand. I remember feeling heartbroken, unworthy, insecure and completely insane sometimes; I never felt good enough and many of us have been there - the relationship everyone else knew was wrong for us except ourselves, the douchebag disguised as prince charming, the never-ending roller coaster you can’t seem to hop off of. Well the first step to getting out of a unhealthy relationship is realizing it’s unhealthy, and deciding whether it’s able to be saved or even worth being saved.
I had to establish a positive relationship with myself before I was able to find, create and sustain a healthy relationship with someone else. I had to look in the mirror and take accountability for my inability to process my own emotions, take ownership of my pain, insecurities and self-doubt - and recognize what I needed.
Maybe unhealthy relationships aren't so much failures but a mirror of how you too still need to grow as a person
Being in a healthy and mature relationship doesn’t automatically mean that you’ve found “The One.” Yes, you both share the same core values, support each others dreams, and may even like the same movies, but maybe something just doesn’t feel right. Maybe the relationship is no longer serving you.
But what does a healthy relationship look like? Although communication is a key factor in enhancing understanding and connection, communication itself can’t sustain a successful relationship or solely deepen the connection and intimacy.
A healthy relationship should allow both individuals to grow while supporting their partner’s own evolution. When we stop growing and evolving or when the other one isn't willing to truly participate in moving forward in life it will inevitably drive the other person away. Even healthy relationships can hit a breaking point because couples cannot reach what should be the next level of emotional intimacy and closeness.
The only constant in life is change - Heraclitus
Sometimes it’s as simple as personality differences that cause a relationship to no longer serve us. Whatever gets in the way of our growing deeper in the relationship can become a permanent barrier and even when your gut feeling is telling you that something is wrong, how exactly do you know when a (even healthy) relationship is no longer for you?
1. Being with the wrong person feels more lonely than being alone.
Maybe the scariest part about going through any breakup is acknowledging the fact that we’re no longer a part of something, we are now just alone. Know that this isn't a good enough reason to stay. Plus it's extremely important to enjoy being alone.
2. They don't want to spend time doing things together; there's less laughing and more frustration. Though there is no one who can truly meet our inner needs (that's an inside job) it's fundamental to want to do things together, otherwise, why even bother?
3. If you doubt it, end it.
In order to save you from a lot of hurt, the first major doubt or bad feeling in your gut should be the end, not the beginning of the end. Stop with the excuses. (Yes, I know there maybe times when you want to ring their neck during an argument, but when you are truly doubting your relationship you need to address it).
4. Don’t mistake what love looks like.
We often confuse love for a lot of other emotions; comfort, addiction and infatuation often get misunderstood to be love. The difference between a comfortable love and a love for the sake of comfort is the feeling of safety. With a comfortable love, you’ll feel safe and trust no matter what. If you’re in a relationship for the sake of comfort, you're going down an unwanted rabbit hole. Stop using relationships for the wrong reasons and needs. Realize what love actually looks like and don’t mistake it for anything else.
5. Trying to spare someone’s feelings can often make it hurt more.
I’m an empath to a fault - I’ve been known to talk myself into life situations in order to avoid hurting people. But trying to spare someone’s feelings makes both of your lives worse. Do yourself a favor, just rip the band-aid off.
One day you’ll be thankful for the heartbreak you went through, because without it, you wouldn’t have found the treasures you truly deserve.