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  • Writer's pictureSarah M.

"I'm Done with You"

I wish it weren't the case, but there are some really toxic, negative people in the world. And they can be downright draining, even people in your inner circle; a whiny friend on social media, your hurtful parent, nasty co-worker or maybe your partner isn't be happy for your success. These people are exhausting to be around and must be dealt with, possibly even removed from your life. Sounds harsh but in some cases super necessary for your well-being.

Of course, it's up to you to decide when and if someone should be kicked to the curb. After all, everyone has a different threshold for how much negativity they can endure, and everyone's definition of negativity is different. One comment might be viewed as hilarious sarcasm to one person, while feeling like a total punch in the gut to another. So I'm not here to say who you should get rid of, I just to remind you that you are worthy of a healthy environment, whatever that is for you.

Negative people create toxic relationships

So how do we know what a negative, unhealthy person is? Someone who complains and dumps their problems on you but doesn’t do anything to change their situation. Someone who is not supportive. Someone who only gossips, complains, moans and bitches. Someone who makes you feel badly about yourself. Someone who shoots down your bright ideas, big goals, or bold (maybe even risky) decisions.

The sad part is that a lot of the times negative people have no idea they're bringing everyone down. Pessimism and dark cloud-y thoughts have become their MO, and they get to the point where they don't even know how to talk without making a withering comment.

When you get a sense that something’s not right in your interactions with someone, run through your mental boundary checklist and enforce these boundaries

Moving past toxic relationships requires true acceptance of the fact that you can’t force toxic people to change. Toxic people are motivated by their own complex problems and needs.

They will drain your resources by constantly pushing you to work harder to please them, making you compromise more and more. This is exhausting and transgresses all acceptable relationship boundaries. Give some serious thought to what you will tolerate.

In some cases toxic people create drama deliberately in order to attract more attention and engage in manipulation, to have you on their side. You might feel bad, but remember that you’re not dealing with a genuine person in distress.

Toxic people often throw tantrums when they feel ignored. This is usually because you’re stopping them from being able to control or manipulate you.

Cut those ties

It may sound dramatic, but if things aren't better by this point, then you might want to consider cutting ties. Or at least limiting you contact and interaction with them.

Part of removing toxic people from your life involves reducing their power over your emotions and that requires recognizing that they’re not really seeing you when they’re hurting you.

In truth, they’re projecting onto you the parts of themselves they don’t want to acknowledge or accept so that they can pour all their suppressed self-hatred into attacking you. See their cruel behavior for what it is: a way of avoiding the truth about themselves.

Conflict with toxic people requires huge amounts of energy and time. Just remember you don’t need to engage in every fight that they might try to instigate.

Negative people can be harmless annoyances on Facebook, the occasional complainers, or full-blown pessimistic drags. Decide how harmful the person is, and then take steps to creating a more positive, peaceful life.

Finally, removing toxic people from your life can be deeply painful, as you may deeply care for some of these people in spite of how difficult it is to have them in your life.

Maintaining resilience

To maintain your resilience and cope with any sadness, stay in close contact with those who make you feel safe, cherished and happy. These are the people who will model healthy friendships and relationships, reminding you exactly why you are choosing to sever toxic ones.



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