During one of those stare off into nothing moments it dawned on me that when I'm not feeling 100% it's usually because I feel like things "aren't enough"; that I am not enough. That what I do isn't enough. People don't love me enough. Or that there isn't enough time or money. I want to improve that.
Frankly, some of the things I say in my head are total bull. I had mastered negative self-talk to a level of shame and disgust, that I was blurring the potential of any good to sneak in. I realize that I am not the only one to have done this. So why do we feel like we aren't enough? When did we yet here?
Society shapes us to feel that we must fit perfectly into cookie cutter molds. We must be beautiful, we must be intelligent, and we must be successful. But aren't all of these things different to each of us anyway?
These little pockets we create of how we “should” be are ridiculous; they ruin the chances of the miraculous unexpected (which in my case is literally the case).
Often we are our own harshest critics and our greatest bullies. Instead of worrying if it’ll ever work out or rolling your eyes, remember that you must be gentle on yourself. It might not change a damn thing but you are enough just as you are. And you need to hear that, not only from me but from yourself, darling.
So start saying it. And more importantly, start believing it. Move forward with confidence and grace in your step. You are needed in this world. I mean it. What you have to give is worthy and important. At first it might feel fake, uncomfortable or silly, but don't stop. You need this.
And not to toot my horn, I am slowly getting to a place where I understand that I am worthy. I realize that I am still learning to love myself; some days are easier than others but learning to smother the doubts that sometimes creep in like the little idiots that they are takes practice.
Remembering that I am worthy of the love I give, that my heart and feelings matter. That above all… I am more than enough.